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I put myself in a sticky situation.

Okay, so I am 100% Lesbian, and I have zero attraction towards guys. But, right now I am dating a guy. Now the thing is he's not like other guys. He was kicked out of his home for telling his father he wanted to be female. if you ask him, he'll tell you "I am a female." But, he's never had a sex change operation and most likely isn't. Not only is it too expensive, but also he is extremely sick in real life. He has a brain clot. He's mute. lost his voice. Blind in right eye and deaf in right ear. He suffers a lot of pain. His entire life has been a mess. Until he found me he says. I found him in a very depressing state. Helped him out of it. He claims I'm his reason to live.So, yea. I dated him. And I denied to myself he was a guy. I mean I tried really hard to picture him as a girl. When we spoke online, that was easy. Over the phone. Easy. But as soon as reality hits me in the face, well yea. I go back to feeling 100% uncomfortable. I feel trapped. I feel like I'm going through a guilt trip. I mean earlier today, I told him how I felt. And.. he got really emotional. Tears and all. Back in to his depression. And told me he was going to give up his life. The doctor's gave him a choice.. So, yea. I was like I really don't want this person to die because of me. I'd live with too much guilt if that happens. I tried telling him I'll still be there for him. Told him I'd find him a new girlfriend even. But he just kept saying, he doesn't want that. He only wants me, and that I'm the most amazing person in the world, etc.. and said without me there is no reason to live. I felt like I was being pulled in to a guilt trip. So, I went back to him. Now, I'm stuck. I don't know what to do.

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Permalink Reply by Sydney on March 15, 2010 at 12:54pm: wow, this really is a sticky situation. It's really not fair to you for him to guilt you into staying with him. It sounds to me like this relationship is pretty one-sided and he is wayy too dependent on you. First I would say that he should try to help himself by maybe seeing a counselor about his depression. Maybe if you suggested it or helped him look for one, he would feel more comfortable about it. Other than that and being a good friend to him, there really isn't much else you can do. You shouldn't feel like you HAVE to be in a relationship with someone, or that you're "stuck". All you can do is support him and tell him that even if you aren't in a relationship, you will always be there for him. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You sound like such a thoughtful and caring person!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Krystle on March 15, 2010 at 1:32pm: Yea, I had a talk with him and told him exactly how I felt, and I ended things. I figured it was best to end things now then continue living a lie.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Carissa Williams on March 15, 2010 at 3:03pm: If anyhing my love, as unforunate as his situation is this is a problem for an experienced professional. Even if you were madly in love with him, his basing his self worth and willingness to live solely on you is not only unhealthy but unfair to you as a person. He needs therapy and most likly medication to work through his identity issues and depression. The most you can do is stand by him as a friend but he certainly not emotionally stable enough or ready to have a romantic relationship of any kind. Love and relationships are a two way street. And when everything is put on one persons shoulders it is 99% bound to fail. I'm not saying it wont be hard on both of you, but theres absolutely no reason for you to have any guilt. In fact suicide threats are quite common amongst manic depressives because they feel if they lose that their life is over. I've been in that situation myself, and guess what? Its 2 years later and my ex is happily in another relationship. We dont speak everyday we remain friends. More than likly you may have to break ties for a period of time if his obsession doesnt die down; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Krystle on March 15, 2010 at 5:27pm: Yea, well see that's the thing. I was never in love with him. I pretended to be with the girl he kept pretending he was, and well yea. Reality always comes sooner or later and I find myself truly and utterly unhappy. I mean the entire relationship has been nothing but downhill and emotional stress for myself. Him too of course, but I realized I wasn't in love with this person. I just pitied them and since I was the only one there at the time, I grabbed him out of pity hoping to save him from whatever without realizing what i was putting myself through.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by dani on March 17, 2010 at 2:01pm: i have a huge heart and i love to love but girl you can be happy and you cant hold yourself back from the world if its not what you want you dont want it. i mean yes people have crazy lives they do. im a prefect example. i mean my freshman n high school wen my life was the worse my parents spilt us they both meet new people i couldnt stand and i came out, hell broke lose money got tight responsibility kicked n wen i was barely 16 working a full time job not bein able to look my parents n the eye having problems wit my kidneys. i met this girl i mean amazing girl, we had fun times we were"meant" to b. but we dated til my jr year cuz she was a year older. it was never going to work for her she told me the day we broke up she never from day one we wasnt gonna work but i made her feel loved i bought her the things she wanted n i treated her right. thing is you cant always have wat you want and its better to b honest and true to yourself. yeh its hard to stand alone and by yourself but no one can love you as much as you can love yourself. but if i was you, i wouldnt feel guilty bc you cant help you dont love this person back like this person loves you. you wanna make yourself happy. its easier to get help, i mean i went to therapy for almost a year, im still kinda going but wit help it got easier for me and made me accept myself more and in the end i got to where i didnt care if i couldnt have her cuz my life is still worth everything to me if im single or taken. i mean help is the best thing its out there for anyone it really is. its free most places. but you seem like a really really caring and thoughtful sweet girl. but make yourself happy. things will come around in the end for the both of yall. just dont keep yourself trapped dont its not fair to you, and eventually your gonna b like him, depressed all the time cuz ur not truely happy being there wit him.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Seras Victoria on March 17, 2010 at 2:19pm: You have to break up because your fooling yourself and him. And by staying with him your only going to take him for granted longer which will hurt him more because each day your with him longer then you want he is going to grow more attached to you.

Cut the cort! He needs professional help since he is acting suicidel. Usually when someone says they will comit suicide they wont. Its the people who dont tell anyone about it that usually do. Its more then likely a scream for attention for you and his only last threat to say in order to get you back into his life.

You should talk to his friends or a professional with him. But you just need to let him know just as strong as he feels he is a woman inside a mans body you are lesbian and its inevitable that it cannot work out for you and him. I would not give him the slightest bit of intimate attention nor say things to make him feel better. You can be there supportive as a friend but dont date him.

Call the police if he threats to kill himself to you. If he starts acting suicidel just call 911; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Krystle on March 17, 2010 at 4:36pm: Well, I have broken up with him. It was definitely for the best, but one thing I hated was after I told him how I felt about the whole situation, he kept trying to tell me how I felt. Saying the love was really there and all that. I was like, no it's not. And yea.. I'm just glad it's over now.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by SHARKiE on March 17, 2010 at 5:36pm: ..man ok
as far as the guy is concerned he (nor any other person) should rely on another person for happiness but this is something people have to figure out on thier own.if he loves u he should realize that he is asking a lot. i mean u r a lez and he is a guy. i really wish he could just snap out of his depression and b happy with being your bud.
...you..idk if u meet someone online and u think u can have a relationship with them-wait! meet them in person first. wow i'm getting a headache-tell him how u feel-just be as str8forward as possible

good luck
god bless
peace be with u
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