The Lesbian Social Network

the discoverey of one's identity

hello,

after years of empty love life, and refusing relationships with men i have just discovered i couldn't accept them because they don't interest me.

this year, it happened, when i saw a girl at a cultural institute. i felt so attracted to her, and i couldn't take my eyes off her, well she didn't notice, i was careful.

it wasn't only physical but i felt very ambiguous feelings.

but is it natural?am i really gay?how can one know??

i feel confused, i feel i'm at the same time, i feel terrified.

in my country, gayness is not acceptable, they live in clandestinity, none can come out.

but they started moving, personally i can't, this may break my mom's heart and create a lof of problems for me, i can lose my job as well.

thank you for your help

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Permalink Reply by Seras Victoria on March 17, 2010 at 2:02pm: Hi Rose,

When you are lesbian,bi,gay,straight it is only natural. Everyone is born somewhat bisexual since you cannot be a 100% straight or a 100% gay. To be more realistic someone ( who we consider gay or lesbian ) is perhaps 83% into women and 17% straight and into the opposite sex. < Its only natural >

If you feel strong feelings for a woman then you know you are either bisexual or lesbian. When I was younger I dated a few men myself and I realised that I just did that because you grew up with people around you who are straight and all those stories in society telling you that a girl dates a boy and you hardly hear anything about guys dating guys or girls dating girls... but it has always been there even before the birth of christ. At 1 point i even loved the guy I was dating.... but just not enough to make me love him intimate romanticly. And I can feel and give all that to a woman instead.

All I can tell you is accept this about yourself. You can only be who you are... and if being gay/lesbian is what your feelings are telling you then you can only be you... nobody else. This is the first thing you should just enjoy about yourself and read up about ( not the negative stuff )

Dont worry about your countries laws yet but enjoy the fact that you just found out some big part about yourself. Accept it and work your way out of there :)

All I know is a mother will always love her daughter if she did even before knowing her daughter is lesbian. It is only expected to know with your mom being an older generation then you and growing up less informative about the gay community she will react shocked and perhaps not with acceptance. However a mom will perhaps not accept your sexuality but eventually give that a place on her own way... a mom cannot stop loving her daughter unconditionally even if she doesnt express it well if she should ever find out.

If you might loose your job with it then you might consider leaving the country for another country that has more to offer for you as a person.; ▶ Reply to This